The Boy Who Failed To Be TomSawyer

...and still yet some stories left to tell

As you eventually learn in the middle of your life, failing to fulfill ones childhood dream is not an uncommon disappointment.

Especially men, starting from early childhood tend to think that they're invincible, immortal and destined to be superheroes in some way. I was no exception.

When I first read Tom Sawyer, I was around 10 years old and happily living a dolce vita in a coastal Black Sea town named Zonguldak.

At the local university residence we were living, which was surrounded by a shrub-like forest, and also included a very small lake, it was so natural to create games and invent countless adventures. We had a very friendly neighborhood in the residence and I had a small group of friends of my age.

Huckleberry Finn

I was already Tom Sawyer then, leading the neighborhood kids, creating games, organizing adventure tours inside the forest, telling stories and living those stories in many ways.

This was my way of being a superhero and I was living my time of my life.

All this dream lasted for a couple of years and abruptly ended when we fell apart after finishing elementary school.

I was dismissed from Heaven while I still had adventures to live, games to play and a heart to win. My Huckleberry friend, my Becky and my forest are all left there and we moved to Istanbul.

It's me in 1982 - a lazy summer afternoon in Zonguldak

It's me in 1982

a lazy summer afternoon in Zonguldak

Our Gang in 1980 - I'm the one on the second bottom-left, with the football in hand

Our Gang in 1980

I'm the one on the second bottom-left, with the football in hand

This is where my odyssey of "being Tom Sawyer" started. In fact, the title should have been "The Tales from the Boy Who Failed to be Tom Sawyer Again".

I always yearned to capture back the dream I lived for a brief time. In the first years, I wished to return back. After realizing that it was not possible, I tried to re-create a similar world in different places - failing to achieve each time.

And when I eventually grew up, I tried to get the similar feeling by playing leadership game in business life. The goal sometimes turned into being rich, popular and powerful. But the essence was completely different and it just didn't work.

Tom Sawyer fishing

I also failed to be a great success in the business life, but it's not important anymore and such a goal is not relevant for a boy who wanted to be Tom Sawyer.

I believe that the essence of being Tom Sawyer is living the adventure just for the sake of it, creating a fantasy world from just the mud and some pieces of wood, looking for treasures at the most unexpected places, and finding them and treasuring your friend to the end.

You can't be Tom Sawyer if you don't have Huckleberry with you. In the dream years of my childhood, I had one best friend. He was my, and I was his Huckleberry. We were the sidekicks of each other. Unfortunately, in my whole life, I couldn't find something even close to that friendship.

For all these years, I didn't have a Huckleberry Finn; and as more years passed failing to become Tom Sawyer, I even compromised to be the Huckleberry of an available Tom Sawyer - and yet, failed to find that either.

Now, after the age of forty, and having sadly given up the idea of being a Tom Sawyer, and also all the life's "great" ambitions; I realized that I still have some stories to tell which I gathered on my life's journey, and are still quite unique and interesting.

The games I develop and the stories I tell here, are all the remnants of my childhood dreams. Sometimes, especially when I develop games, I still have the feeling that I'm organizing a game in a peaceful Black Sea summer evening and I'm about to call my friends to come and join me.

Our Playground in University Residences

Our Playground

in University Residences

My Brother in our usual playground

My Brother

in our usual playground

And this is where this blog comes in.

After leaving all the life's ambitions behind, I wish to share my unique stories I've gathered through my life's journey. I hope that you'll enjoy them in some ways.

At least, I'll do my best.

  About Me
Bilgin Esme

My name is Bilgin Esme.

I'm running this site to share what I've learned from life and give as much contribution as possible.

Click here for more info : About Me

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Galaxy Quest - Never giver up, never surrender! Ghost Busters - Legends are forever Movies I Like to Watch - While I'm coding
Rules of Monopoly - and the bitter truth about life When I Compare Myself ... - from Zen Pencils
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  Bilgin Esme

Istanbul TURKEY

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